What is my Identity?

This semester in school has been very stretching for me. What I mean by
"stretching" is that the semester has pushed and pulled my mind in many ways. I
have changed. I am becoming a new person. I am now in my 5th year of school, and
being a student for me means that I am constantly consuming (taking in/eating)
ideas, information, and opinions.

I think this is the job of a student. We must consume ideas, and data, but I
also think that being a "consumer" is part of being human. Everybody takes in
the world around them. We consume energy and ideas around us, and we either
waste that energy, or we use it to produce something new.

So where am I going with these ideas?

Being human, means that you will consume and produce things. My nature is to
consume. I am like a plant, consuming the sun's rays to produce my own energy.
It's almost an idea I can get from nature. It's biological.

But I think this idea of consuming is deeper than biology. I think it is in
the nature of everything in the universe. The sun produces energy because of
fusion. Fusion is a different kind of consumption because instead of tearing
apart matter, it makes a bigger molecule from smaller molecules... and yet it
still produces a huge amount of energy.

Everything besides stars consume energy by breaking apart things. Except for
humans I think. I think we also have a type of energy that we consume by
building things. When we merge ideas, we create. I've recently been merging
myself with other cultures, primarily with Chinese culture. I have been
consuming parts of Chinese culture, but at the same time that I consume that
culture I am building my own culture in me.

This is part of my identity I think. I either get my energy as a person by
taking in things (food, alcohol, feelings from people, happiness from movies and
entertainment) or I get energy from taking things and making something new (my
spiritual beliefs, learning about culture and making my own culture, taking
happiness from people and giving it back to people, encouraging people)

I think I can either consume in a negative way, or I can consume in a
positive way. I can be like a plant, or animal which just eats energy. Or I can
be like a star, eating matter, but producing lots of energy.
I wonder where I will consume energy next?
I will think about this more later... haha I don't even know if this is a
right idea...

Date correction

That last post was made today, April 25th.

Consequences of Sin

A recent struggle that I've been "dealing with" has come to mind.

Being exposed in sin sucks, and often when it happens guilt, shame, desire for change, and fear are dredged up in my mind.



But a new thought has come to my mind. What does the person who is witnessing that sin feel? Horror? Embarrassment? Shame themselves? Guilt of some kind?

For certain human audiences, I think witnessing a sin would cause them to judge the person in sin. At first they may see the person sinning as lowly, dumb, unwise, and the witness may even question the committer's state of mind e.g. why is he/she doing that? But then later, witnessing said act of sin could cause them to be able to compare themselves with said sinner. This is pride in the witnesses' heart. Or maybe if they're saved by grace the thought may be, "I'm a sinner too, God you love me, and you love this person. Please save them from the bondage they are in."

And a final thought, what would a perfect, completely-loving and also completely-just God feel about witnessing the sin?

I think (not knowing God's thoughts but making an assumption based on things I've read) that God would feel a wrath welling up inside of him against the sin, and also would feel hurt if the committer of sin was a Christian.

I think He would be hurt because the committer was supposed to be His bride, and yet he had once again cheated on Him with another.

I think that God would feel hurt because the committer had once again not seen Him as being more "fun" or fulfilling and satisfying then the idol.

I think that God would wonder why the committer had not trusted in the powerful grace that had done the work of transferring sin from committer to Jesus, that had transferred Righteousness from Jesus to sinner, and had given life to the dead sinner's heart.



To wrap this up, I think this is why Paul gives the advice, "Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things."

I know that I can't "just deal" with sin in a trivial way. This is what I've become use to, so I pray that I would be daily reminded of how my choices affect me. Sin can be a horror, but since I've become desensitized to it in some ways I forget that God sees it as ugly. I'm glad that He's helped me see this image too.

The Big Picture and a Holy Ambition

I have for some strange reason a desire to be able to write eloquently, but instead of worrying over that I'm going to just give you guys the picture of what's been going on in my life.

I am not a dreadfully exciting person. I don't always like to look for adventures. If you are looking for this kind of person go watch Bear Grylls on Man vs. Wild. He seems to know how to adventure properly.

If you watch Lost I would say I'm like Bernard. They are on the island living life with everyone else, but when all that crazy stuff happens him and Rose disappear for a while. They aren't part of all the tension and plot building.

I am in school. I was doing Chemical Engineering, but I decided to switch majors. I like science, but I don't want to be applying science to develop solutions for mankind. I'd much rather talk with people about science. I don't want to make a chemical process more efficient. I want to see people grow, and connect with them. This is why I am working towards a BA in Chemistry, which I love, and hopefully in about 2 to 5 years teaching it in high school.

I think back to my years in high school and even think about my brother who is in high school right now, and see that high school can seem like the longest period in a young person's life because it is the first time where that person is working toward a final end goal. The high school diploma.

But working for a diploma is boring. It's just a piece of paper, but it is important. That paper tells people that you accomplished something and that you are semi-trustworthy in completing other things. It means you worked toward something with motivation to finish.

It is interesting to me that I am now stuck at that point. This semester was a lot about seeking a motivation, looking for a purpose.

This searching has been happening in my academics, but it has also been happening in other areas of my life.

At a conference in Minneapolis over winter break this past December/January, John Piper, a pastor, came and spoke on searching for our Holy Ambition. He narrowed in on a passage of the Bible, Acts 13 where it describes how Barnabas and Paul (Saul) are first commissioned to go on a missionary journey. It says, "One day as these men were worshiping the Lord and fasting, the Holy Spirit said, 'Dedicate Barnabas and Saul for the special work to which I have called them.' So after more fasting and prayer, the men laid their hands on them and sent them on their way."

I am no longer a high school student getting a diploma, so what John Piper was talking about hit home for me. I am no longer a child. So, this semester there have been times where I can say I have been seeking God. Because of community and encouragement from others and a conviction building up in my life, I have been reading the Bible more, and spending time in prayer more often.

My first desire is pretty much summed up in Psalm 5:8. It says "Lead me in the right path, O Lord, or my enemies will conquer me. Make your way plain for me to follow."
I feel like a fairly simple person, and so my desire is that God would show me clearly what He wants me to do, and I have faith that because He is sovereign and faithful He will at the right times show me what I should do next.

A little back story, I have been able to meet many foreign exchange students here at U of Iowa, and have seen God change these student's lives. They are wonderful friends to me, and I appreciate meeting them. Also, I have felt that the times where I've grown the most, and needed to trust God the most have been times where I've been in transition or just done something completely out of my comfort zone.

Because of these things, I was pleasantly surprised when a couple things happened. A leader for a missions trip to a country which I'll call East Asia, which I hope makes you think of the largest country in Asia, called me. He challenged me to consider coming with him on a "summer project." A mission trip.

Next, one day I was reading Genesis, and came across this verse about Abraham in chapter 12. "The Lord said to Abram, 'Leave your native country, your relatives, and your father's family, and go to the land that I will show you. I will make you into a great nation. I will bless you and make you famous, and you will be a blessing to others. I will bless those who bless you and curse those who treat you with contempt. All the families on earth will be blessed through you.'"

Now, around that time I had been praying and asking God to show me the path He wanted me to go down. I wanted that path to be shown to me plain and simple. I don't know what to think of it, but I feel like this passage is very applicable to me. Not everything taken literally of course, but yeah a lot of it is applicable. Leave your native country (get out of your comfort zone), leave your family ( =( makes me sad to leave them), go to the land that I will show you (East Asia???), I will make you into a great nation (through the Gospel?), I will bless you, families will be blessed through me.

I think this is the most plain this sort of thing has been made to me, so that's why I choose to go. Plus, I trust if God wants me to go He will provide in every way. (Money, health, courage, grace, faith)

Basically, through all these things I know that God has a plan for me. He wants me to trust in Him, sometimes He even wants me to step out in faith.

I don't know what else God has in store for me, but I think that I because of His faithfulness in showing me grace I will be able to continue searching for His plan. I think God is truly giving me an adventure. He's allowing me to be swept up in something with purpose. It's like a story, that I get to be involved with, and I'm really glad that I'm not the main character.

Peace!

School, and Life in general.

What is important in my life? This is a question that I want to be dwelling on in my everyday life.


Sometimes it seems like as a student my purpose is preparing for the future. I don't like this sometimes though because I feel like so much is happening right now. Like for instance, I am living in the dorms again this year even though this is my third year of school. I have friends who live in apartments, and the one which I am closest to is 9 blocks away. That means that I don't see these people very much. So, because of this I am constantly meeting new people, most of them are younger than me, and this is kinda neat. I like meeting new people, but at the same time I want to connect in a real way with people and build relationships. I don't want to just meet a bunch of new people all the time. I don't think anyone would truly know me if this is what always happened.



I feel like because I am older than many of the people I've met. I have some experience and insight into what they are going through. I know what it feels like to want to make friends. To hate school, and work, and being busy, and just wanting to hang out with people. I know the feeling of that really bad test score that you don't want to tell your parents about. Or the feeling of disconnectedness (I don't know if that's a word) from your family, and friends from home, because of living apart from them. You are literally living with new people, and making new connections. You are forced into becoming your own person.


Then you decide who you want to become, you start investing time with different people, with homework, with activities. You make choices. You are influenced by things around you. This is probably one of the scariest things that a parent has to think about. "How is my kid being influenced today?" One thing I think that a parent should constantly be thinking about, is that they are an influencer. They had the time to influence their children, and now they must remember that the choice their kid makes in school are their own. They are making those decisions. The things that the kid is experiencing is out of the parents control and that is okay!
I think a person is somewhat a sum of what they've been influenced by, and they are completely defined by the choices they have made.
This means if I choose to eat an ice cream cone, the person I am after eating said ice cream cone is partly defined by the choice to eat that ice cream cone. =)

It has been awhile since I've done anything with this blog, and I finally have a chance to update people. In case you are wondering here is what I am thinking about/dealing with in my life right now.

• I want to write a thank you note/how you doin'? letter to my grandma avis saying what's up and thanking her for my wonderful crotcheted blanket.
• I am thinking about how I'm going to get out to the DOT to take the tests in order to get my in training commercial driver's liscense so that I can drive a Cambus at the U of Iowa.
• I need to fill out some internship applications for different companies soon, and consider what I should do next summer.
• I'm thinking about how I want to read the Bible at least once a day, and keep a sense of curiousity and wonder with the story of Jesus.
• Thinking about the daily time load I have to put into engineering homework, and lab reports, and how much I hate/love it at different times.
• Thinking about how much I enjoy spending time with different people. And how kind some people are and how they have shown me love.
• Thinking about how crappy of an attitude I have towards people in general sometimes, and how that affects my relationships.
• Thinking about how happy I am that I don't have class tonight, which then allowed me to write this blog.
• Thinking about how I really want a haircut right now, and need to do laundry, and do other little chores and cleaning up stuff. And about how much time this takes out of my day that I could be spending doing other things.
• Thinking about how I enjoy my fiction writing class even when it's the class I put off to the last minute everytime, because I simply don't have time to work on it till the last minute. =)
• Thinking about how crappy technology is and how my iPod won't charge, and how my computer keeps getting blue screen of death errors.
• Thinking about how I never read for fun anymore, which is quite sad.
• I never read the newspaper or news at all anymore unless it's in my aol homepage.
• Last night was awesome, me and some friends randomly decided to go and try to observe the meteor shower last night at 1 in the morning, but unfortunately the sky was overcast, so we just hung out, and rolled down a big hill, and then left and went home.
• I miss my family and their disfunction, and the fun I have there with my bros and sisses and mum and pop.
• I really want to go to Arizona for Christmas to see Aunt Suzie, Uncle Rick, Megan and Eli!
• My birthday is in 17 days! I will be 21, and I am going to have a beer legally. =)
• I'm old!
• I'm poor.
• Which is okay.
  

Alright that's all my random thoughts.
See ya later!
Michael Anderson


p.s. watch this video! it's a good song!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GyA8zfouG4Y

Summer Summation

What has it all added up to this year? What is the cummulation of my time spent this summer? Has my time this summer been a waste? Or did I use it in a wise way for once.... hmmmm..... let's think about that one.

I do hope that this summer has been more than me just taking up space in this world, because to be honest I don't think I would be satisfied if there wasn't any movement in my life. This last month has been particularly interesting. I spent some time in Maryland at Camp Wabanna, which is a very special place, and a place I wish to visit again in the future. And while I was there I do think I learned some things, and experienced God's grace in my life. It hasn't necissarily been a waste, and even though me asking these questions is really just me being selfish, and wanting to grow up, and move forward and feel good about myself in someway. I do believe that my 20 year old summer, helped me, it pushed me on torward learning about God even more and more. I just wish that it won't be wasted as I continue with my life.

That last sentence makes me wonder if my life has been a waste. These questions are just me musing, almost even attacking myself. I honestly don't like wasting my time, and I hope that as I continue aging that using my time wisely will become a passion of mine. My life has not been a waste, I have influenced people in good ways, I have also influenced people in bad ways, and in ways that I regret. These thoughts aren't really leading anywhere so what I think I need to realize is how the Gospel, and the things which Christ has done for me and what He continues to do for me everyday redeem me from any wasted time, they save me from the doubts that I may have about my worth. Even though God does have a purpose and plan for my life, even when I am empty of purpose, lazy, stupid with my time He still loves me.

God is growing me closer to Him, even on the days when I don't read my Bible, even on the days when I forget about his grace and his gospel, even on the days when I get distracted with cares and worries of this world, even on the days when all I care about is myself. I really want Him to pull me away from those things, but I need to realize that He loves me everyday.

Lord, please help me to live in a way that is pleasing to you. I feel like parts of my life have been a waste, and I'm almost embarrassed at how immature I used to be. But Lord you know about every part of my life, and even every future moment of my life. Please turn it all upside down, make me a gospel-focused, truth-clinging-to, unselfish, outward-looking person that sees things as you see them, and who actively looks for you. Lord help me to love you, and to not focus on emotional loving you, but choosing to love you as an everyday action. Please reveal to me the truth that you've allowed to be hidden to me before, like you hid truth in your parables. Help me to see your will for my life. I am unworthy and sinful. My sins have stained me, but I know that you can wash me. I have confidence in you Jesus, and what you did for me on the cross. You died for me, to wash away my sins. Please help me to remember that and to not be led into temptation. Deliver me from the evil one. You are strong Lord! And even in how mighty You are and even in your great independence, you still want to have a close intimate relationship with me. You are loving Lord! It baffles me, that I can continuously sin against you, and yet you forgive me continuously and infinitely. Return to me the joy of your salvation Lord. Give me a great passion for You and your Word. I love you Lord. In Jesus name, Amen.

Scars and Redemption

So this past Sunday, at my church, Kaio, Mr. Matthew Dunkerton a close family friend and awesome guitarist ;) talked to me and some other people about Beauty. This might sound like a random topic, but in reality I think as Christians it is important to realize how central beauty is not only to us, but also to God. By this I mean that God initially created everything for HIS glory, but sin has marred the beauty of creation. By creation I mean not just grass and flowers and trees, but human beings, and slugs, and predators, and human sexuality, and music, and culture, and community. God created all these things beautiful. (Yes in their own way slugs are beautiful.) But Christians basically have the belief that sin has scarred and stained this beauty.

One thing that Matt reflected on, and that I continued to think about, is how we as Christians can truly comprehend beauty and even redeem the scarred things of the world. His example, is how some music may be used for completely vulgar reasons, like how some bands choose to write lyrics about hate, and self-hate, suicide, cutting, murder, perverse sexual acts, things that are very against God. But still even with this, we as Christians can appreciate and even thank God for how the chords fit together, we can thank Him for how tight a rhthym sounds. Or what a great fill that drummer just played. We can redeem that music and thank God for creating the people that had the creativity to bring about that great music. It is still important to keep ourselves from sinning because some things can actually cause us to stumble. Like sexual lyrics and things that may depress us, but a lot of things can be appreciated about that music. Something that I thought about is how some Christians have amazing stories of how they came to accept Christ as their savior. Some of the people that are Christians now have truly been redeemed from lives that had no purpose, and were leading down a path that would have been truly painful in the end. Like release from addictions to drugs, to sex, to feelings of helplessness and depression. While these things are bad the overall story is truly redemptive and we can give glory to God for the work He has done in these people's lives. Even the Bible is a great story of redemption and beauty. For me, this explains why some of the most gruesome and violent and perverse stories are included in the Bible. We can see through these stories that humanity was truly evil in the Old Testament, yet God chose to favor the nation of Israel and through it redeem the world. Even now, we can see that humanity is evil, yet God chooses to continue to reach out to people everyday with His redeeming mercy, he spares us from punishment that we deserve, then He showers us with His grace, he gives us gifts that we didn't deserve. I can definately apply this in my life. And I hope that seeking beauty and redemption from the scars of sin is something that I will be doing for the rest of my life.

In Christ,
Michael

Summer... So Many Possibilities

When I was younger summer was all about me having fun, and doing what I wanted. That was before high school, then during high school things changed I started going places for the summer. I worked at camps, and got involved. The last three summers have been the most involved. The summer of 2006 I worked at a Bible camp in Maryland, I was in the kitchen, I had responsibilities and I had commitments. I did the same thing the next year, and then last summer (2008) I went to San Diego on a summer mission trip called Summer Project. What I've noticed is that by going to do these things during the summers, I haven't really experienced what it's like to have a real life during the summers. I don't know what to do with myself, I don't know what I'm supposed to do besides get a job.

I know that I *want* to do things, be responsible, get into a routine, help my family, spend time with my family, connect with friends, but for some reason I'm still in that mode of "taking a break". I've been sleeping in, being lazy during the days, and not really helping out. I want things to change, and I know that to do this it will take a certain amount of responsibility, and even some organization.

I'm going to make a list of the things I want to do this summer so that I can reflect on it later.
-Work at my job/jobs
-Help out at Kaio with drums and such
-Connect with people
-Get chores done a.k.a. help out at home with mi familia
-Practice drumming
-Get a new phone
-Start running =)
-Start reading my Bible everyday.

So basically my time this summer will be devoted to figuring out how to not waste my time this summer.

Well that's all I'm gonna say for now.
Here's a cool website you should go to by the way...

http://www.drumchannel.com/entertainment/39296.aspx

It's some cool drumming stuff.

Tenga una buena semana!

First Post

Well to be honest, I have no idea what to write. I think I'm gonna use this blog to keep in touch with people as well as to maybe start writing down ideas that I have.

Blogs have always struck me as kinda funny, people in ways are exposing themselves. I've seen this in people's art before whether through poetry, paintings, music, and I guess blogs can be added on to that. I do think I would like to expose myself a little, maybe this will show me what is important enough for me to share... I think one thing I don't want to do with this post is to put stuff up just to seem more intelligent, because I know I can fall flat on my face trying to do that. I know that I have gifts, but I don't think writing and expressing thoughts is one of those.

One purpose I have for this blog is so that I will not become completely bored with my life this summer. I am at home, and when my family and friends are around I have a great time. But because I haven't yet gotten a job I'm stuck at home, so this is one way I'm going to keep myself occupied. =)

So about me...
I'm a "musician" definately not professional, and that is not how I would completely label myself, but I do want to get better, and I enjoy spending time listening to, playing, and talking about music.
I'm a Chemical Engineering student, this is probably during the school year the source of all my stress. I am just beginning to learn how to manage my time in a way that will allow me to do better in my classes, and I do intend to continue getting better. So yeah, I am a "nerd". One of my favorite things to do is to bug my mom by explaining random science and math things, and then watch as she starts spacing off, and then later on she makes fun of me... lol. But I do like science and math. That's why I'm doing it I guess.
I'm a brother, and a son. This is a different way I'd label myself, even though school keeps me busy. I love being with my family. This is one reason I'm so glad to be at home for the summer, for the last three years I've been off doing something not at home. So it is really nice to be here to be around them for once.
Finally I would label myself as a Christian. This is something I don't feel anyone can be a professional as, but thankfully we don't have to be professional at this. Being a Christian really isn't at all about "being a Christian". It's not about a label we get, think about how lame it would be if a person got married just to "be a husband". That would totally objectify the woman he was marrying. For me that's what I'm learning and trying not to do, I don't want to objectify Christ just so I can look like a Christian. I really want to learn to love Christ, and be in a relationship with Him. I want to learn to appreciate and be thankful for the sacrifice He made for me. I really want to learn how to make Him relevant to the people in my life, so that they can also see what He has done for them.
This is something that will take work for me, and a lot of trust in Him.

Talk to ya later,
Michael

p.s. another thing I'd like to do is put up some story ideas, because I'm going to be taking a fiction writing class this fall, and I don't want to go into it unprepared. =)