Summer Summation

What has it all added up to this year? What is the cummulation of my time spent this summer? Has my time this summer been a waste? Or did I use it in a wise way for once.... hmmmm..... let's think about that one.

I do hope that this summer has been more than me just taking up space in this world, because to be honest I don't think I would be satisfied if there wasn't any movement in my life. This last month has been particularly interesting. I spent some time in Maryland at Camp Wabanna, which is a very special place, and a place I wish to visit again in the future. And while I was there I do think I learned some things, and experienced God's grace in my life. It hasn't necissarily been a waste, and even though me asking these questions is really just me being selfish, and wanting to grow up, and move forward and feel good about myself in someway. I do believe that my 20 year old summer, helped me, it pushed me on torward learning about God even more and more. I just wish that it won't be wasted as I continue with my life.

That last sentence makes me wonder if my life has been a waste. These questions are just me musing, almost even attacking myself. I honestly don't like wasting my time, and I hope that as I continue aging that using my time wisely will become a passion of mine. My life has not been a waste, I have influenced people in good ways, I have also influenced people in bad ways, and in ways that I regret. These thoughts aren't really leading anywhere so what I think I need to realize is how the Gospel, and the things which Christ has done for me and what He continues to do for me everyday redeem me from any wasted time, they save me from the doubts that I may have about my worth. Even though God does have a purpose and plan for my life, even when I am empty of purpose, lazy, stupid with my time He still loves me.

God is growing me closer to Him, even on the days when I don't read my Bible, even on the days when I forget about his grace and his gospel, even on the days when I get distracted with cares and worries of this world, even on the days when all I care about is myself. I really want Him to pull me away from those things, but I need to realize that He loves me everyday.

Lord, please help me to live in a way that is pleasing to you. I feel like parts of my life have been a waste, and I'm almost embarrassed at how immature I used to be. But Lord you know about every part of my life, and even every future moment of my life. Please turn it all upside down, make me a gospel-focused, truth-clinging-to, unselfish, outward-looking person that sees things as you see them, and who actively looks for you. Lord help me to love you, and to not focus on emotional loving you, but choosing to love you as an everyday action. Please reveal to me the truth that you've allowed to be hidden to me before, like you hid truth in your parables. Help me to see your will for my life. I am unworthy and sinful. My sins have stained me, but I know that you can wash me. I have confidence in you Jesus, and what you did for me on the cross. You died for me, to wash away my sins. Please help me to remember that and to not be led into temptation. Deliver me from the evil one. You are strong Lord! And even in how mighty You are and even in your great independence, you still want to have a close intimate relationship with me. You are loving Lord! It baffles me, that I can continuously sin against you, and yet you forgive me continuously and infinitely. Return to me the joy of your salvation Lord. Give me a great passion for You and your Word. I love you Lord. In Jesus name, Amen.