What is my Identity?

This semester in school has been very stretching for me. What I mean by
"stretching" is that the semester has pushed and pulled my mind in many ways. I
have changed. I am becoming a new person. I am now in my 5th year of school, and
being a student for me means that I am constantly consuming (taking in/eating)
ideas, information, and opinions.

I think this is the job of a student. We must consume ideas, and data, but I
also think that being a "consumer" is part of being human. Everybody takes in
the world around them. We consume energy and ideas around us, and we either
waste that energy, or we use it to produce something new.

So where am I going with these ideas?

Being human, means that you will consume and produce things. My nature is to
consume. I am like a plant, consuming the sun's rays to produce my own energy.
It's almost an idea I can get from nature. It's biological.

But I think this idea of consuming is deeper than biology. I think it is in
the nature of everything in the universe. The sun produces energy because of
fusion. Fusion is a different kind of consumption because instead of tearing
apart matter, it makes a bigger molecule from smaller molecules... and yet it
still produces a huge amount of energy.

Everything besides stars consume energy by breaking apart things. Except for
humans I think. I think we also have a type of energy that we consume by
building things. When we merge ideas, we create. I've recently been merging
myself with other cultures, primarily with Chinese culture. I have been
consuming parts of Chinese culture, but at the same time that I consume that
culture I am building my own culture in me.

This is part of my identity I think. I either get my energy as a person by
taking in things (food, alcohol, feelings from people, happiness from movies and
entertainment) or I get energy from taking things and making something new (my
spiritual beliefs, learning about culture and making my own culture, taking
happiness from people and giving it back to people, encouraging people)

I think I can either consume in a negative way, or I can consume in a
positive way. I can be like a plant, or animal which just eats energy. Or I can
be like a star, eating matter, but producing lots of energy.
I wonder where I will consume energy next?
I will think about this more later... haha I don't even know if this is a
right idea...

Date correction

That last post was made today, April 25th.

Consequences of Sin

A recent struggle that I've been "dealing with" has come to mind.

Being exposed in sin sucks, and often when it happens guilt, shame, desire for change, and fear are dredged up in my mind.



But a new thought has come to my mind. What does the person who is witnessing that sin feel? Horror? Embarrassment? Shame themselves? Guilt of some kind?

For certain human audiences, I think witnessing a sin would cause them to judge the person in sin. At first they may see the person sinning as lowly, dumb, unwise, and the witness may even question the committer's state of mind e.g. why is he/she doing that? But then later, witnessing said act of sin could cause them to be able to compare themselves with said sinner. This is pride in the witnesses' heart. Or maybe if they're saved by grace the thought may be, "I'm a sinner too, God you love me, and you love this person. Please save them from the bondage they are in."

And a final thought, what would a perfect, completely-loving and also completely-just God feel about witnessing the sin?

I think (not knowing God's thoughts but making an assumption based on things I've read) that God would feel a wrath welling up inside of him against the sin, and also would feel hurt if the committer of sin was a Christian.

I think He would be hurt because the committer was supposed to be His bride, and yet he had once again cheated on Him with another.

I think that God would feel hurt because the committer had once again not seen Him as being more "fun" or fulfilling and satisfying then the idol.

I think that God would wonder why the committer had not trusted in the powerful grace that had done the work of transferring sin from committer to Jesus, that had transferred Righteousness from Jesus to sinner, and had given life to the dead sinner's heart.



To wrap this up, I think this is why Paul gives the advice, "Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things."

I know that I can't "just deal" with sin in a trivial way. This is what I've become use to, so I pray that I would be daily reminded of how my choices affect me. Sin can be a horror, but since I've become desensitized to it in some ways I forget that God sees it as ugly. I'm glad that He's helped me see this image too.